My next challenge in this diet hell - traveling for work. This diet is controlling my life. I had to book my flights around my 6 meals, so I had breakfast, had the first shake on the way to the airport, strategically planned lunch that I could carry on my salad to eat on the plane, and grabbed water as soon as I landed for shake #2. Geez....
I'm in heaven on earth (at least for someone who loves horses like I do) in Lexington, Kentucky. I did get to see Jordan, my sweet brother-in-law, in Louisville when I flew in. I'm so, so proud of him for moving out here to KY to start dental school. I also appreciate his detailed discussion regarding his cadaver, which he's named "Henry," and the disected portions of Henry's dead body. At least it curbed my food cravings for a few minutes. Then, he told me Henry was a "fit dude," which reminded me that it was time to eat again (and that I needed to go work out when I got to my hotel). Damn Henry. Jordan and I had a nice dinner on the waterfront before I headed over to Lexington. He ate a hamburger on Texas toast with a coke while I ate grilled shrimp and water. I may love him and be very proud of him, but I still get to be jealous of his excellent metabolism.
I'm used to selecting my hotels based on close proximity to Starbucks and/or something horsey, particularly in Kentucky. This time, I needed a fitness center. So, I checked in, secured 8 oz of milk for my evening shake (don't I look like a party animal bellying up to the hotel bar for a stiff glass of milk), and took off to the gym. Nice gym - good equipment - nice view of downtown Lexington, but it sucks compared to my usual evening with tv, a comfy bed and the awesomeness of room service.
There is also another cruel challenge here in Kentucky - my favorite, favorite restaurant with my favorite, favorite, yummy, gooey, sweet and buttery rolls - O'Charleys. We don't have O'Charleys in Texas. I also like their grilled salmon salad, which I can have, but I knew I couldn't resist the rolls, so I had to steer clear of O'Charleys.
So far, I've been tempted by O'Charley's rolls, the peanut butter pie at the restaurant tonight, the ballpark food on the 4th of July, and Steak & Shake on the way from the airport to the hotel, but for some God-forsaken reason, I can't kick my overwhelming desire for a Taco Bell soft taco. Go figure. I have my 89 cents ready for the blessed day I get to cheat.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Independence Day
Well, the 4th of July has come and gone now - a great day to celebrate the independence of our great U.S.A. Man, would we have loved a little independence from this friggin' diet.
Adolphus was taking the day off Sat., so we worked out on the 3rd (worked out well as not to completely ruin our 4th of July). Our work outs are excruciating. I reach complete and total muscle failure every time. And, I'm still fighting to keep my breakfast down. But, luckily, I'm able to function in daily life after I leave the gym. I'm still sore and know that I've certainly worked out, but I'm just trilled to be able to brush my own teeth, wash my hair and wipe my own butt - things that had been extremely difficult after our first arm and leg workouts!
So, the 4th of July. Jared bartered 2 "free" pounds from Adolphus. I was terrified at the idea. Anything over two pounds and he'd "kick our asses." I thought he was doing that at every workout, but evidently he thinks he's being easy on us. If what we've been doing is easy, I don't want an ass kicking - I think he'd kill me. Seeing that the scale does not account for water weight, muscle addition and bad days, I decided to have a cheat free 4th.
I also decided to work out, but I didn't have time to go to the gym, so like all fitness gurus, I went out to do a little interval training before we headed to the baseball game. It was 2pm on July 4 in Texas and it's 150 degrees outside. This was NOT a good idea. I have never sweated like that in my life and there came a point that I was not sure I'd be able to get home. Great. It's the 4th of July and I'm passed out on the sidewalk in our subdivision. Luckily, me and the creatures from my pre-heat stroke hallucination got home safely.
That evening, we headed out to the Rangers game. We had dinner before we left, but as much as Jared loves to go to the ballpark I love to eat at the ballpark, which is a huge problem on a diet that doesn't allow garlic fries, footlong chili dogs and ice cream (gee - I wonder how I got in this weight gain predicament!?!) So, I took snacks...so many snacks that the lady at the bag check told me that she hoped me "and the children have a good time at the game!" Glad we don't have children yet - I wouldn't have shared my snacks. It was just watermelon, fat free kettle corn and bottles of water, but to me it's gold. Jared had beer - 2 pounds worth. On to another week....
Adolphus was taking the day off Sat., so we worked out on the 3rd (worked out well as not to completely ruin our 4th of July). Our work outs are excruciating. I reach complete and total muscle failure every time. And, I'm still fighting to keep my breakfast down. But, luckily, I'm able to function in daily life after I leave the gym. I'm still sore and know that I've certainly worked out, but I'm just trilled to be able to brush my own teeth, wash my hair and wipe my own butt - things that had been extremely difficult after our first arm and leg workouts!
So, the 4th of July. Jared bartered 2 "free" pounds from Adolphus. I was terrified at the idea. Anything over two pounds and he'd "kick our asses." I thought he was doing that at every workout, but evidently he thinks he's being easy on us. If what we've been doing is easy, I don't want an ass kicking - I think he'd kill me. Seeing that the scale does not account for water weight, muscle addition and bad days, I decided to have a cheat free 4th.
I also decided to work out, but I didn't have time to go to the gym, so like all fitness gurus, I went out to do a little interval training before we headed to the baseball game. It was 2pm on July 4 in Texas and it's 150 degrees outside. This was NOT a good idea. I have never sweated like that in my life and there came a point that I was not sure I'd be able to get home. Great. It's the 4th of July and I'm passed out on the sidewalk in our subdivision. Luckily, me and the creatures from my pre-heat stroke hallucination got home safely.
That evening, we headed out to the Rangers game. We had dinner before we left, but as much as Jared loves to go to the ballpark I love to eat at the ballpark, which is a huge problem on a diet that doesn't allow garlic fries, footlong chili dogs and ice cream (gee - I wonder how I got in this weight gain predicament!?!) So, I took snacks...so many snacks that the lady at the bag check told me that she hoped me "and the children have a good time at the game!" Glad we don't have children yet - I wouldn't have shared my snacks. It was just watermelon, fat free kettle corn and bottles of water, but to me it's gold. Jared had beer - 2 pounds worth. On to another week....
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Seriously?
Breakfast at 4:45am, Workout #4 at 6am. We're up, we've eaten our huge power packed breakfast and we're ready for our ass kickin. We walk in the door to Adolphus saying "Good morning - you're not going to like me very much today." What did I say earlier? Adolphus is a very honest man.
Legs. Again. Except this time, we worked everything except the front of my legs. I learned one more thing about Adolphus today - he cannot count. When he's counting down from 20, at 7, he jumps back up to 12, sometimes 15. That's not fair. Isn't there something in the Constitution about cruel and unusual punishment? Anyway - he split us up today - Jared was all the way across the gym and we were doing completely different exercises. I can't tell whether he's (1) worried that Jared and I are competing against each other which could be unhealthy for our relationship or (2) that he's scared that we outnumber him and might take him down if he "mis-counts" again. Likely the latter. We both nearly threw up again. One word - intense.
So far, I'm not experiencing the same difficulties walking, sitting down (car, chair and/or toilet) as I was after our last leg workout - Good thing now that I'm drinking vanilla flavored dog crap with "digestive enzymes."
So far, my leg pain is not preventing me from wearing heels. I'm going to watch the last night of prelims at Miss Texas tonight for some motivation (and to watch Taylor, who was my teen when I was Miss Longview, as a beautiful accomplished young woman competing for Miss Texas!) Seriously, nothing makes you want to lose weight more than hanging out with old friends from the "pageant days" (and watching a bunch of skinny b*tches march across the stage in high heels and a swimsuit and remember when you used to be their size). Maybe this will re-motivate me since the scale is not doing the trick.
Legs. Again. Except this time, we worked everything except the front of my legs. I learned one more thing about Adolphus today - he cannot count. When he's counting down from 20, at 7, he jumps back up to 12, sometimes 15. That's not fair. Isn't there something in the Constitution about cruel and unusual punishment? Anyway - he split us up today - Jared was all the way across the gym and we were doing completely different exercises. I can't tell whether he's (1) worried that Jared and I are competing against each other which could be unhealthy for our relationship or (2) that he's scared that we outnumber him and might take him down if he "mis-counts" again. Likely the latter. We both nearly threw up again. One word - intense.
So far, I'm not experiencing the same difficulties walking, sitting down (car, chair and/or toilet) as I was after our last leg workout - Good thing now that I'm drinking vanilla flavored dog crap with "digestive enzymes."
So far, my leg pain is not preventing me from wearing heels. I'm going to watch the last night of prelims at Miss Texas tonight for some motivation (and to watch Taylor, who was my teen when I was Miss Longview, as a beautiful accomplished young woman competing for Miss Texas!) Seriously, nothing makes you want to lose weight more than hanging out with old friends from the "pageant days" (and watching a bunch of skinny b*tches march across the stage in high heels and a swimsuit and remember when you used to be their size). Maybe this will re-motivate me since the scale is not doing the trick.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
"Digestive Enzymes"
As you see, we're experimenting with the protein shakes. We made the chocolate shake last night with milk (we can have 8oz of milk per day) and it was not too bad. From now on, I will listen to the meathead and not go off on my own in protein-land.
Jared noticed that the label on the vanilla shakes boasts "award winning taste." Compared to what? I don't want to know. We also noticed that the label states that this vanilla powdered crap contains "digestive enzymes." Super! We don't know what that is, but at least there's some benefit to drinking this awful stuff.
Wrong again. Approximately 2 hours after my morning vanilla shake yesterday, I discovered that Elite Nutrition LIES. Those vanilla shakes do NOT have an award winning taste and "digestive enzymes" is just a meathead way of saying "explosive doo-doo."
This is ridiculous. The fourth of July is on Saturday, we can have no hotdogs, no beer and no potato salad or apple pie. I believe this diet is unpatriotic, un-American and down right unconstitutional.
Maybe not. But the 4th is going to suck if we can't have beer and fried chicken, which we cannot. I'm scared Adolphus would hunt us down and make us swim across Grapevine Lake. Chicken breast and water it is. Bring on the fire works!
Jared noticed that the label on the vanilla shakes boasts "award winning taste." Compared to what? I don't want to know. We also noticed that the label states that this vanilla powdered crap contains "digestive enzymes." Super! We don't know what that is, but at least there's some benefit to drinking this awful stuff.
Wrong again. Approximately 2 hours after my morning vanilla shake yesterday, I discovered that Elite Nutrition LIES. Those vanilla shakes do NOT have an award winning taste and "digestive enzymes" is just a meathead way of saying "explosive doo-doo."
This is ridiculous. The fourth of July is on Saturday, we can have no hotdogs, no beer and no potato salad or apple pie. I believe this diet is unpatriotic, un-American and down right unconstitutional.
Maybe not. But the 4th is going to suck if we can't have beer and fried chicken, which we cannot. I'm scared Adolphus would hunt us down and make us swim across Grapevine Lake. Chicken breast and water it is. Bring on the fire works!
He took away our milkshakes...
I would comment on whoopin' #3, but it was arms, bicepts and chest, and after being dragged around my whole life by 1400 pound horses, I'm finding my upper body to be pretty strong (if I could just find the muscles under all of this fat!) Jared did not find it quite as easy, but I will not embarrass him by telling everyone that I held up better on the benchpress than he did - ooops!
The diet is a whole other story. During one of our 1 minute recovery breaks, I strolled over to the supply of whey protein for sale at the studio to compare our shakes (we needed to re-supply, so I wanted to make sure we were on the right track). BIG MISTAKE. Adolphus went with me and after the 5th degree regarding the calories and carbs in our current shakes, which tasted fabulously like milkshakes, he took them away.
After getting home and showering, we headed to the Vitamin Shoppe for our weekly protein shopping trip looking for something that's edible. We finally located who Jared lovingly calls the "Roided-out Meathead" who pointed us towards some yummy "chocolate truffle" flavored whey protein with 100 calories and ZERO carbs per shake. Adolphus would be proud. Then, I had the brilliant idea to just try the kind Adolphus was selling at the studio since he would certainly approve of those. Yet another BIG MISTAKE.
Sunday night, we finished the last of our yummy, yummy low-carb shakes and poured one out for our homey (i.e. the fun and tasty life we used to live). And, we tried the new chocolate truffle shakes. Not bad. They taste like chocolate milk that's on the verge of going sour. But, they're edible. Maybe we made good decisions...the vanilla can't be too much worse, right?
WRONG. On Monday, June 29, 2009 at approximately 10am, for the first time I tasted vanilla flavored dog shit. Within minutes, an email popped up from Jared regarding the disgusting shakes. I know Adolphus will tell us that he would "eat dirt" if it provided the proper nutrition, but he's talking to people who love food! Normal people would throw out these vanilla shakes, but not us....we're thrifty....we'll finish them out holding our noses and taking big gulps.
Has it only been one week??
The diet is a whole other story. During one of our 1 minute recovery breaks, I strolled over to the supply of whey protein for sale at the studio to compare our shakes (we needed to re-supply, so I wanted to make sure we were on the right track). BIG MISTAKE. Adolphus went with me and after the 5th degree regarding the calories and carbs in our current shakes, which tasted fabulously like milkshakes, he took them away.
After getting home and showering, we headed to the Vitamin Shoppe for our weekly protein shopping trip looking for something that's edible. We finally located who Jared lovingly calls the "Roided-out Meathead" who pointed us towards some yummy "chocolate truffle" flavored whey protein with 100 calories and ZERO carbs per shake. Adolphus would be proud. Then, I had the brilliant idea to just try the kind Adolphus was selling at the studio since he would certainly approve of those. Yet another BIG MISTAKE.
Sunday night, we finished the last of our yummy, yummy low-carb shakes and poured one out for our homey (i.e. the fun and tasty life we used to live). And, we tried the new chocolate truffle shakes. Not bad. They taste like chocolate milk that's on the verge of going sour. But, they're edible. Maybe we made good decisions...the vanilla can't be too much worse, right?
WRONG. On Monday, June 29, 2009 at approximately 10am, for the first time I tasted vanilla flavored dog shit. Within minutes, an email popped up from Jared regarding the disgusting shakes. I know Adolphus will tell us that he would "eat dirt" if it provided the proper nutrition, but he's talking to people who love food! Normal people would throw out these vanilla shakes, but not us....we're thrifty....we'll finish them out holding our noses and taking big gulps.
Has it only been one week??
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Whoopin #2
Who's idea was it to work out at 6am? Oh yeah, that was MY bright idea.
Today was back and tricepts. Not too bad other than the core work, which always kicks our butts. I found a lot of the exercises today to be similar to riding, so I'm pretty strong there. The ab work this morning was a pilates type stretch out body on ground and then crunch (holding a bar) - Jared was hilarious trying to get coordinated on those exercises - We were on the ground with our feet facing each other. When I lifted up for the crunches, all I could see was him rolling around trying to find his balance and his feet were flailing around. He got it, though, and we're on our way to our six-pack (abs, not beer, yet). My abs are sore and neck is sore (just the muscle that connects it to my shoulders!), but the rest of me feels ok right now - I'll see if I'm still feeling "ok" on Friday.
The hard part this morning was breakfast at 4:45am before our 6am workout. I think we need to get up earlier - I still nearly threw up after about 30 min of the workout. This is really intense.
Before we left, in case he hadn't whooped us enough, we found out our weight and body fat percentage. I have the body fat count of an out of shape 60 year old. Seriously? Seven years ago this week, I was prancing around on a stage in Fort Worth in a swimsuit. I've gone from 24 to 60 in 7 years?? Dog years?? Nice. Now I'm sore and have low self esteem. I'm glad Adolphus is enjoying himself.
Today was back and tricepts. Not too bad other than the core work, which always kicks our butts. I found a lot of the exercises today to be similar to riding, so I'm pretty strong there. The ab work this morning was a pilates type stretch out body on ground and then crunch (holding a bar) - Jared was hilarious trying to get coordinated on those exercises - We were on the ground with our feet facing each other. When I lifted up for the crunches, all I could see was him rolling around trying to find his balance and his feet were flailing around. He got it, though, and we're on our way to our six-pack (abs, not beer, yet). My abs are sore and neck is sore (just the muscle that connects it to my shoulders!), but the rest of me feels ok right now - I'll see if I'm still feeling "ok" on Friday.
The hard part this morning was breakfast at 4:45am before our 6am workout. I think we need to get up earlier - I still nearly threw up after about 30 min of the workout. This is really intense.
Before we left, in case he hadn't whooped us enough, we found out our weight and body fat percentage. I have the body fat count of an out of shape 60 year old. Seriously? Seven years ago this week, I was prancing around on a stage in Fort Worth in a swimsuit. I've gone from 24 to 60 in 7 years?? Dog years?? Nice. Now I'm sore and have low self esteem. I'm glad Adolphus is enjoying himself.
Adolphus
When I first talked to Adolphus, he informed me "if you haven't trained with Adolphus, you haven't worked out." Adophus is an honest man.
We arrived on Saturday morning spry and ready to work out after eating a bowl of cereal and a cup of coffee. We were immediately informed that we'd likely throw up, that our food was all wrong and that there were no breaks just because this was a trial session. Ugh-oh.
Eliptical for 5 min then onto work-out for legs. Quad and leg presses, squats and lunges. Pretty grueling at first. Then, we did another set and I started wondering what we were doing there. By the third exercie, I decided it was better to be fat. By the next rotation, I wondered if I'd survive this experience. And, before we were finished, Jared and I were yelling "yes sir!" This was not personal training - it was freaking bootcamp. But, 45 minutes later, we had managed not to puke, we were headed out the door with our new diet plan and an appointment for 6am Wednesday. Me, Jared and our four "Bambi Legs" headed home.
Fast Forward One Hour: YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME. I could not get up and down out of a chair. I could not bend over in the shower. I cannot get in and out of the car without wincing. Isn't the second day supposed to be the worst pain? We survived Saturday nonetheless.
Sunday, the sabbath. I would have gone to church, but I was barely able to get out of the bed. When I did get out of the bed, I figured I'd better stay standing since it hurts like hell to get to a standing position. Forget squatting to pick anything up off the ground (ask Jared who accidently dropped something at the grocery store - we both stared at it for about a minute before working up the courage to try to squat to the ground - BIG mistake). And, we found a whole new hurdle - the toilet. How much does it cost to install handicap railings and a higher toilet?? We almost found out. Did you ever realize that the toilet is lower than a chair and requires some level of quadrecept strength to reach it? I didn't either until Sunday. Well - at least we're not working today, right? Advil and the pool should do the trick - oh, hell, we'd better just jump into the water since the stairs and ladder are out of the question.
Monday - The second day IS the worst pain. Our 92 year old founding partner is walking around the firm like a speed demon compared to me. I'm glad my chair has armrests or I'd have to stand up to work. And, thank the Lord, our bathroom has a handicapped toilet with a rail. Monday may be ok after all.
By Tuesday, the pain has decreased to a manageable level. Yay. We get to start over tomorrow. And, now we're two days into the diet and I'm getting cranky.
We arrived on Saturday morning spry and ready to work out after eating a bowl of cereal and a cup of coffee. We were immediately informed that we'd likely throw up, that our food was all wrong and that there were no breaks just because this was a trial session. Ugh-oh.
Eliptical for 5 min then onto work-out for legs. Quad and leg presses, squats and lunges. Pretty grueling at first. Then, we did another set and I started wondering what we were doing there. By the third exercie, I decided it was better to be fat. By the next rotation, I wondered if I'd survive this experience. And, before we were finished, Jared and I were yelling "yes sir!" This was not personal training - it was freaking bootcamp. But, 45 minutes later, we had managed not to puke, we were headed out the door with our new diet plan and an appointment for 6am Wednesday. Me, Jared and our four "Bambi Legs" headed home.
Fast Forward One Hour: YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME. I could not get up and down out of a chair. I could not bend over in the shower. I cannot get in and out of the car without wincing. Isn't the second day supposed to be the worst pain? We survived Saturday nonetheless.
Sunday, the sabbath. I would have gone to church, but I was barely able to get out of the bed. When I did get out of the bed, I figured I'd better stay standing since it hurts like hell to get to a standing position. Forget squatting to pick anything up off the ground (ask Jared who accidently dropped something at the grocery store - we both stared at it for about a minute before working up the courage to try to squat to the ground - BIG mistake). And, we found a whole new hurdle - the toilet. How much does it cost to install handicap railings and a higher toilet?? We almost found out. Did you ever realize that the toilet is lower than a chair and requires some level of quadrecept strength to reach it? I didn't either until Sunday. Well - at least we're not working today, right? Advil and the pool should do the trick - oh, hell, we'd better just jump into the water since the stairs and ladder are out of the question.
Monday - The second day IS the worst pain. Our 92 year old founding partner is walking around the firm like a speed demon compared to me. I'm glad my chair has armrests or I'd have to stand up to work. And, thank the Lord, our bathroom has a handicapped toilet with a rail. Monday may be ok after all.
By Tuesday, the pain has decreased to a manageable level. Yay. We get to start over tomorrow. And, now we're two days into the diet and I'm getting cranky.
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